Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
