At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
