you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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