don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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