Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
