Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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