Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
