woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
