Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
