I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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