Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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