i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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