So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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