Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
