I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im holly from the hills drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry about my life...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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