I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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