No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
