Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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