I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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