You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
