; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
