I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
