Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
