kristin has been a bad kristin
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
