How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
