Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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