i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
