so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You can't special order awesome
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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