think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
