Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
