oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
