You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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