I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
