he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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