dude i'm inner monologue high
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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