I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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