i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
