he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
