It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
