i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
