Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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