Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
