He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
