I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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