Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
