it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
