so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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