I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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