If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
