I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
