Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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