You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you never un-have a 4some
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